The beginning of your journey...
The beginning of your journey...
On the new moon, I sat down and did a New Moon Spread that was guided by the Biddy Tarot website. As I turned the cards over, my stomach kind of dropped when the Ten of Swords showed up under "what is emerging."
The Ten of Swords is not a "happy" card. It's a dark card. One that is very clear in it's imagery.
My immediate thought was of my boyfriend's mom, who has been sick for a long time. Back on April 30th, my boyfriend moved a television into his mother's room at her facility. After he had it set up, his mother looked at him and said, "You look like my son," and she used his name. My boyfriend said, "I am," and she looked at him like he was crazy, as if it were my boyfriend who had lost grip of reality and not herself.
So, when the ten of swords showed up, my first thought was my boyfriend's mom. But then, I thought, oh gosh, does it have to mean someone dies? Could it be a dream I was really looking forward was over? I did the spread on 11/18/17. At the beginning of November I had put a registration request in to UMass Medical School's Oasis program to start the process to become a certified Mindfulness Instructor. I was to hear around 11/27 if I was accepted or not. Couldn't the ten of swords mean I wasn't going to be accepted into the class being held in January? Couldn't there be some other devastating ending that I couldn't think of? I just saw something terrible happening. I contacted some of the authors of tarot books I trust - one was Melissa Cynova, author of Kitchen Table Tarot and the other was Bridget at BiddyTarot.com. Both basically said, "Wait and watch," and along with, "We don't interpret cards for people that way."
So I waited and watched.
On December 1st, I was invited to my sister's child's school as her daughter's "special person" to attend a "Special Person Breakfast," which meant I went into work about two hours late. Later in the day, I was running around to catch up with having been late. So, when my phone rang I didn't think too much of it. I was thinking about work and things I needed to accomplish. As I headed back to my office to grab some needed resources, I checked my phone for who called and it was my boyfriend, who never calls when I'm at work. I listened to the voicemail, turned myself around immediately in the hallway, and headed back into the hospital proper. I ended the voicemail and called my boyfriend immediately and said, "I'm headed to her right now." He told me his family was with his mom in the Emergency Department and gave me the room number. I hauled ass and got to her room, which was crowded with three of my boyfriend's siblings and when I got there, three of the siblings' life partners including myself. The plan was to get her stable and bring her up to a room in the hospital proper. Long before transferring her, I had to leave. There was too much to do. Too much demanding my time and attention. I stayed there as long as I could, as long as my time would allow. I asked about lots of things - Out of Hospital DNRs, and POLSTs. I asked about a Palliative Consult and the attending doctor stated one was in, and the meeting would be on Monday.
On the following day, I did the Full Moon Spread for the rest of the month of December and it looked much happier than the New Moon Spread did.
We went to visit my boyfriend's mom that day too and she was looking good.
Monday was the Palliative Meeting. The family asked me to be present. In that meeting, the family decided on comfort care and to stop life saving measures.
Tuesday at 3.30am, my boyfriend got the call to go to the hospital. We went and by the time we got there she was gone.
I drew the Ten of Swords again later in the week as a Card of the Day - the day of the viewing. As I was shuffling the cards that day, I knew the Ten of Swords was going to be the card I was going to draw and I did.
I don't want to be afraid of this card, but my first experiences with The Ten of Swords have been quite sobering.